Naomi Osaka‘s US Open victory is not her happiest memory. With controversy keeping her from fully enjoying her maiden Grand Slam win, the 20-year-old has yet to reveal her full reaction to the events that took place, but she can tell you it feels strange.

“There’s a lot of stuff I want to say about how I felt and whatever. But for me, I don’t know, I don’t know,” she told press in Beijing. “The memory of the US Open, is, a little bit, bittersweet. Like right after, the day after, I really didn’t want to think about it because it wasn’t necessarily the happiest memory for me.”

Following the US Open, Osaka went to her native Japan and reached the final in Tokyo, which she says helped keep her from reflecting too much on the US Open.

Naomi Osaka
NEW YORK, NY – SEPTEMBER 08: Serena Williams of the United States and Naomi Osaka of Japan react after their Women’s Singles finals match on Day Thirteen of the 2018 US Open at the USTA Billie Jean King National Tennis Center on September 8, 2018 in the Flushing neighborhood of the Queens borough of New York City. (Photo by Julian Finney/Getty Images)

But having now taken a week off and returned to competition in Beijing, she still isn’t sure of the way she should look at it.

“I mean, of course I’m happy that I won a Grand Slam. I don’t think there’s anything that can take away from that. But I don’t know,” she said. “I feel like not that when I look back on it that it’s a bad memory, but I feel like it was so strange, I just didn’t want to think about it. I wanted to just push it to the side.”

Instead, she’s focusing her energy on giving herself another shot at a victory.

“I don’t expect myself to just win one Grand Slam,” Osaka told Sport360. “I feel like the more confidence I put in myself, the more I play better.”

Osaka has qualified for the WTA Finals at Singapore for the first time.